Archive for October 2012

Men and Women do Not Live on Different Planets


Emerson Eggerichs, best-selling author of Love and Respect, asserts Women need love. Men need respect.  It’s as simple and as complicated as that.  The foundation for his platinum-level former book-of-the-year is a theorized gender difference he identified by posing this question.  If you were forced to choose one of the following, which would you prefer to endure…to be left alone and unloved in the world, or to feel inadequate and disrespected by everyone? 

In his original sample of 400 males, 74% said that if they were forced to choose, they would prefer feeling alone and unloved rather than feeling disrespected and inadequate.  He collected data on a female sample and found that a comparable majority would rather feel disrespected and inadequate than alone and unloved.  Based on this data, Eggerichs concluded that a wife “needs love just as she needs air to breathe” and a husband “needs respect just as he needs air to breathe." 

The book begins to shape the argument that wives’ failure to show respect to their husbands is the reason that many marriages end in divorce.  As he explains, what we have missed is the husband's need for respect.  This book is about how the wife can fulfill her need to be loved by giving her husband what he needs—respect.  Later, he asserts, husbands are made to be respected, want respect, and expect respect.  Many wives fail to deliver. 

At times, I thought that Eggerichs might begin to see how disrespect is at the core of many marital problems for wives as well as for husbands.  For example, he says that a wife yearns to be honored, valued and prized as a precious equal and that wives fear being a doormat, and informs his male readers that a wife will feel esteemed when you are proud of her and all that she does and when you value her opinion in the grey areas as not wrong but just different and valid.  Why not just substitute the word “esteemed” with the word “respected?” In other words, the tendency to favor respect over love was equivalent in degree to the preference expressed among males that was used to launch a best-selling book predicated on what now seems to be an inaccurate assumption of a consistent gender difference. 

Of course, I’m not saying that all women would prefer to feel alone and unloved any more than I’m saying that all women would prefer to feel disrespected and inadequate.  Even though I would roundly criticize what I see as the sexist underpinnings of his book, I nonetheless feel that Eggerichs states some profound truths with great clarity.  He argues very persuasively that respect is a core, and absolutely necessary, element of a good marriage albeit more for males than for females, in his view and provides a number of compelling illustrations to show how a shift toward unconditional respect can give new life to a marriage. 

If he highlights a universal truth, then it is one that applies to both genders.  For example, his concept of “the crazy cycle” is the idea that without love from her husband, a wife reacts without respect, and that without respect from his wife, a husband reacts without love.  Instead of this formulation, I would suggest that the crazy-making pattern is that when one partner fails to meet the other partner’s deepest needs for both love and respect, the second partner will react defensively and fail to meet the first partner’s deepest needs for both love and respect in return. 

It may be easier to draw blanket conclusions about large groups of people, but a thoughtful approach requires assessing the unique character and qualities of each person and each close relationship.  Maybe men and women do not live on such different planets after all?

Critical Thinking Critical for Life Success


Last year Reebok was forced to refund $25 million to customers who purchased their EasyTone toning shoes after research published by the American Council on Exercise found that the toning shoes were no better than regular sneakers at toning muscles or burning calories.  The incredible popularity of the toning shoes even with no evidence of their effectiveness illustrates the need for critical thinking among consumers who face an onslaught of marketing campaigns that seek to persuade them to purchase things that are ‘good’ for them.  Consumers who can think critically about sensational product claims may have saved themselves the $100-$245 expense of purchasing these faux-fitness shoes.  Critical thinkers should also make better decisions about other aspects of life, for example, in the context of important financial, legal, medical, and interpersonal decisions. 

Over the last several decades, educators, employers, and organizations around the world have expressed concern about student preparedness for a 21st century world, e.g., Association of American Colleges and Universities; Bureau of Labor Statistics.  In response to these concerns an increased emphasis on the training of critical thinking skills has been incorporated into international education standards; European Higher Education Area; U.S. Department of Education. 

Critical thinking has been defined in many different ways, but experts generally agree that critical thinking involves an attempt to achieve a desired outcome by thinking rationally and in a goal-oriented fashion. Recently, Stanovich argued that critical thinking is what intelligence tests fail to adequately measure.  This idea echoes the general consensus among researchers that intelligence and critical thinking are separate constructs, but share at least one common attribute – they are difficult to adequately assess. 

One relatively new test of critical thinking ability, the Halpern Critical Thinking Assessment moves beyond the limitations of previous multiple-choice tests by combining both open-ended and multiple-choice questions, and by assessing thinking in relation to daily, easy-to-relate-to situations.  It is a standardized instrument that consists of 25 everyday scenarios that respondents analyze and critique.  The scenarios involve thinking in various life domains including health, education, work, and social policy. The test is also coded for a variety of thinking skills, including (a) verbal reasoning skills, (b) argument analysis skills, (c) hypothesis testing skills, (d) likelihood and uncertainty judgment skills, and (e) decision making and problem solving skills. 

A number of studies have established the reliability and validity of the Halpern Critical Thinking Assessment using a variety of methodologies, e.g., correlational, pretest-posttest experimental designs, with respondents that vary widely in education level, e.g., high school students, community college students, state university students, private liberal arts students, graduate students, community adults and with participants from numerous countries, e.g., China, Ireland, Portugal, Spain, United States, Vietnam, etc.  Consistent with other assessments of critical thinking, much of validity evidence for the Halpern Critical Thinking Assessment is based on the prediction of academic achievement scores, e.g., grades, standardized test scores. However, critical thinking skills should predict more than academic outcomes.  We make 100s of decisions each day that are likely to be influenced by our critical thinking ability. At the very least, we would expect critical thinkers to avoid certain negative life outcomes. 

A series of recent studies have examined the relationship between critical thinking and real-world outcomes of critical thinking using an adapted version of an inventory of life events created by de Bruin, Parker, and Fischhoff.  This self-report inventory measures negative life outcomes from many domains, e.g., interpersonal, business, financial that vary in severity from mildly negative, e.g., paying late fees for a movie rental to severely negative, e.g., foreclosure on a home.  The recent studies by Butler and colleagues sought to expand the validity of the Halpern Critical Thinking Assessment cross-nationally and to determine whether Halpern Critical Thinking Assessment scores predicted real-world outcomes of critical thinking. 

The findings were clear in both the United States and the Republic of Ireland, those with higher critical thinking scores reported fewer negative life events than those with lower critical thinking scores.  While this is bad news for people with lower critical thinking scores, the good news is that that critical thinking can be improved through instruction.  Future research could explore the causal link between critical thinking and real-world outcomes of critical thinking, with special emphasis on the role of education and behavioral outcomes. 

In a world that is more complex and technical with each passing day, thinking critically about the information we consume is of the utmost importance. The evidence suggests that critical thinking scores can predict real-world outcomes and thus we need to appreciate that critical thinking is more than simply the new buzz word in education.  Critical thinking is critical for life success.  The good news is that there is a plethora of evidence that critical thinking skills can be taught and learned – critically important news coming at a critical time in history.

Can You Blow My Whistle Baby

Can you blow my whistle baby, whistle baby (ohh baby ohh baby poooo)
Let me know
Girl I'm gonna show you how to do it
And we start real slow
You just put your lips together
And you come real close
Can you blow my whistle baby, whistle baby
Here we go

I'm betting you like bebop
And I'm betting you love creep mode
And I'm betting you like girls that give love to girls
And stroke your little ego
I bet you're guilty your honor
But that's how we live in my genre
When I hell I pay the rottweiler
There's only one flo, and one rida
I'm a damn shame
Order more champagne, pull a damn hamstring
Tryna put it on ya
Bet your lips spin back around corner
Slow it down baby take a little longer

Can you blow my whistle baby, whistle baby
Let me know
Girl I'm gonna show you how to do it
And we start real slow
You just put your lips together
And you come real close
Can you blow my whistle baby, whistle baby
Here we go

Whistle baby, whistle baby,
Whistle baby, whistle baby
It's like everywhere I go
My whistle ready to blow
Shorty don't leave a note
She can get any by the low
Permission not approved
It's okay, it's under control
Show me soprano, cause girl you can handle
Baby we start snagging, you come in part clothes
Girl I'm losing wing, my bucatti the same road
Show me your perfect pitch,
You got it my banjo
Talented with your lips, like you blew out candles
So amusing, now you can make a whistle with the music
Hope you ain't got no issue, you can do it
Give me the perfect picture, never lose it

Can you blow my whistle baby, whistle baby
Let me know
Girl I'm gonna show you how to do it
And we start real slow
You just put your lips together
And you come real close
Can you blow my whistle baby, whistle baby
Here we go

Whistle baby, whistle baby,
Whistle baby, whistle baby

Go girl you can work it
Let me see your whistle while you work it
I'mma lay it back, don't stop it
Cause I love it how you drop it, drop it, drop it, on me
Now, shorty let that whistle blow
Yeah, baby let that whistle blow

Can you blow my whistle baby, whistle baby
Let me know
Girl I'm gonna show you how to do it
And we start real slow
You just put your lips together
And you come real close
Can you blow my whistle baby, whistle baby
Here we go

Whistle baby, whistle baby,
Whistle baby, whistle baby

Posted October 31, 2012 by dranilj1 in Science and Universe

Follow this Advice

Whenever you find yourself capable of following this advice, follow it, and you will never be in misery.  You can avoid the hell of life.  Remember one thing, if you want to do any bad thing, postpone it for tomorrow; and if you want to do something good, do it immediately — because postponement is a way of not doing. And bad has not to be done, and good has to be done. For example, if somebody insults you and you feel angry, enraged, tell him that you will come after twenty-four hours and answer him.

This advice transforms whole life.  Although, I was too young, only nine years old, I tried it just out of curiosity.  Some boy would insult me or would hurt me or would say something nasty, and I would remember my old dying grandfather and I would tell the boy, 'I will have to wait; I have promised an old man. After twenty-four hours I will answer you.

It always happened that either I would come to conclude that he was right, that whatsoever he had said looked nasty but it was true about me…. He was saying, 'You are a thief,' and that is true, I am a thief. He was saying, 'You are insincere,' and that is true — I am insincere.  He pointed out something true about me.  He brought up a true facet of my being which was not clear to me. He made me more conscious about myself.  I am immensely grateful.  After twenty-four hours' thinking, I would come to conclude that, that man or that boy is absolutely wrong.  It has nothing to do with me.  Then there is no point in answering; I would not go back to the boy.  If something is utterly wrong, why become enraged? This is a big world, millions of people are there; you cannot go answering everybody, otherwise your whole life will be wasted. And there is no need either.

This is half of the story.  If you can postpone the bad for tomorrow you will be able to do the good immediately. And you will never repent — because if you do bad immediately, you will repent tomorrow; if you do good today you will never repent, there is no question of repentance. This is a simple secret of transforming the hell that you live in into a lotus paradise.

Find out whether truth was only talk or there were a few people who had known it.  One thing is certain, whatsoever you decide, you would risk all for it.  You would not look back, you would never escape even if you had to lose life, would lose life.  A thousand and one things can happen – people are accident-prone. But if you have very great decisiveness, if you have decided then nothing was going to deter you.  I was almost killed three times; the only thing that saved me was my mission, that I had to go back, and I pulled out of death.  It needed great inner power.  Gather knowledge from all over the world.

Posted October 31, 2012 by dranilj1 in BODY_MIND_HEART_SPIRIT, COGNITION

Tagged with

My Idea of an Ideal Life


    There is a problem with the way most of us see the world.  We want to be average.  It’s ingrained in to us that it’s bad to deviate from the norm.  Who really wants to be normal though?  Is it your goal in life to be completely normal, to get a white collar office job, move to the suburbs, and buy a lot of stuff you don’t need? It’s certainly not my idea of an ideal life, and I don’t think it’s anyone else’s either, it’s just the only model that’s available to us, so we go along with it because no one ever offers us a different path through life. 

    I would like to tell you about a different path.  When you think about this, it makes a lot of sense. Finding out everything there is to know about the average person is of little benefit to anyone.  Finding out about exceptional people though, that’s something that we could all really benefit from.  So how do exceptional, successful people differ from the average person? Here’s how: 

    Exceptional people are stubbornly persistent, and continue to strive for their goals and work diligently through everything that life can throw at them.  They are creators.  They listen, ask a lot of questions, and connect a lot of dots together to come up with big ideas.  They contribute meaningful things to the world around them.  If you think about it, all the most admired people throughout history contributed something of immense value to the human race.  They are focused.  They love what they do and they don’t have time for distractions and cheap entertainment.  They are passionate about their work and their lives.  They would gladly do what they do for free, and many do just that.  The ironic thing is that when you’re passionate about something, it’s often the case that someone will start trying to pay you to do it.  Exceptional people practice, a lot.  Most people who dominate their field, whether their field is chess, swimming, or writing, practice hard for about 10 years before they achieve that level of success.  Above all, exceptional people are not afraid to be unique, and they’re not afraid to fail.  They question conventional rules and put little stock in what everyone else is doing.  Put simply, they trust themselves. 

    First, make peace with the fact that you won’t ever be average again.  Commit mentally to a mindset of uniqueness and fearlessness, and become comfortable with the fact that you will inevitably stand out from the crowd, to some people in a positive way, and others in a negative way.  The next thing to do is to start taking action.  Most people want to know how to take action.  They think sure, those are all the qualities of exceptional people, but how do I get there from where I am?  The answer is simple, you just start. Don’t over think it, don’t plan out every little detail because plans change, just start taking action now.  You probably know what the first step is; you just have a million little reasons not to take it.  So instead of worrying needlessly, just throw all the little reasons out and start. Now!

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