Of all the pains felt, the sharpest comes from the belief that we are ultimately alone—and we had to be. We feel this in many different ways over the years. As an adolescent, one may feel to hide in a room for safety and then the world wouldn’t confirm that we deserved to be hurt. As a teen, we may not cope with our pain; thereby numbing with an ever-growing list of addictive behaviors. We feel convinced that it is safest to hide the truth of our choices, then no one would know we are weak.

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At some point while wallowing in the depths of isolation and despair, realize that we have separated ourselves from everyone else, assuming people wouldn’t accept us if they really know who we are. We are all struggling on our own mats, caught up in our head, working through feelings about our pain and trying to figure out how to avoid hurting in the future.

Everyone has fears, insecurities, and doubts. Everyone has made mistakes; everyone worries about making new ones. Everyone is doing the best they can, sometimes wondering if that’s good enough and everyone wants to enjoy life more and stress about it less. Not everyone could relate to our own specific experiences, but in some way, everyone has felt the same things. When we convince ourselves that we’re different—that people won’t relate or understand, or that they wouldn’t want to—we inevitably feel separate.

It’s ironic that even surrounded by people we can feel completely isolated, and yet so often we do. Particularly, in a social media-driven world, it’s easy to accumulate connections without actually connecting at all. Every time we hide our true thoughts and feelings behind a façade to fit or blend in, we reinforce to ourselves that who we really are isn’t really worth sharing and it’s such a shame to do it. In any given moment, someone out there feels exactly like we’re feeling right now. What’s a better choice—to hide and feel alone, or risk the vulnerability of opening up and remind ourselves and other people that we never are?

Find a place where anyone of any age can share their experiences, feelings, and insights to help themselves and others. Write exploring the struggles, successes, and lessons where many will be sharing how they can relate in the comments. Now, we can see ourselves in the many contributors and readers, and, in doing this we’ve make a difference in each other’s lives. This is true connection, and it only happens when we consciously choose it.

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In separateness lies the world’s great misery, in compassion sprawls the world’s true strength. We often feel sympathy more easily for fictional characters than for real people. One reason is that sometimes we get to know fictional characters more deeply than our family members and friends. Too often in real life, we keep aspects of our true selves concealed and fail to spot an important opportunity to bond with other human beings.

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How many times has this happened to you? You run into a friend, sometimes a close friend, who says, “How are you doing?” and you say, “Good! How are you?” and the friend say, “Good!” Meanwhile, you’re not doing well at all, and later you find out that your friend hadn’t been doing well.

I’m not telling that we all become confessional and make known our secret fights, fears, and pains with everyone we meet. But I am suggesting that you don’t have to feel alone. When you take a chance and share a hidden part of yourself with someone, it’s amazing how often people respond with.

Whatever you’re feeling, someone else has felt it. Whatever you’re going through, someone else has gone through it. You may feel alone, especially if what you’re experiencing is frightening or painful, but you should assume that you are not alone. We all carry a card in our pocket. We all carry around private pain and regret and fear—the things about ourselves we are most afraid to let others know. What is written on the card in your pocket? Does it say that you were abused or that you are depressed, or that you have an addiction, or that you were unfaithful to your spouse, or that you’ve always been afraid that you’re not good enough?

A useful training is to write what your card would say, then ask yourself: Do I believe that I’m the only person in the world carrying around a card that says this? What would I say to someone right now who hand me a card that says exactly what my card says? Whatever your card says, someone else is carrying around the same card. It’s likely that many people are carrying around the same card, but most of the time we don’t know it. Every person you see today, everyone you interact with, has a card in his or her pocket, and it weighs much more than any piece of paper. This is especially useful to keep in mind when someone mistreats you—when a driver cuts you off then makes a crude gesture, when a co-worker talk down to you, when someone you love is unkind.

Not in the slightest should we stand for unkindness or abuse, but once we are removed from the situation, it can help to remember that all people carry around cards of suffering, even if we may not know what their cards say. It can be easy to judge or pity others when they reveal their sufferings.

Whatever someone else is going through, or has gone through, someday you may too. Anything can happen to anyone at any time. Pain is something all human beings have in common that becomes the most beautiful thing about us.

Imagine a world in which we know each other’s pain and fear. Imagine that they are the most beautiful things about us. Imagine that the very things we’re most ashamed of, that we most want to keep hidden, might bring us together.

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Every new day is another chance to change your life. Step forward and embrace your fears. It is so safe and cozy to spend your days in your beautiful home, never having to face the criticism of others. It is a painful confrontation to learn that we actually simply are afraid of standing before a group of people and share knowledge. Discover hidden dreams in you that are out of sight under a coverlet of satisfaction and comfort.

Know it is time to step out of comfort zone embrace our fear and feeling embarrassment to change. You will be glad that you listened to your gut. You will find so much wisdom and so much more enjoyment in life. Life is not free of stress, doubts, struggles, and disappointment. Embracing your fears does not make them disappear miraculously. They are still there, telling you why you must not do this or that. But you can choose not to be held back by them. Listen to the ramblings of your fears, but follow your own path nevertheless.

So, ask yourself today, what would you like to do, and what fear is holding you back from doing it? We are all afraid of something, each and every one of us. The question is; does your fear prevent you from doing things? Did you never travel abroad because you were afraid of flying? Were you afraid to take a painting class because you felt you’re not talented enough? Have you always dreamt of learning to play an instrument, but felt you’re now too old to start? Make a list of your goals and what fear is holding you back.

Opposites support each other. A desire or challenge will automatically provoke an equal amount of fear. Your dreams and fear belong to each other. Your mind creates a conflict by implying a condition that has to be met first. It tells you that it is impossible to realize your dream. Lots of things can exist side by side, without having to exclude each other. In fact, there is suddenly the option of a compromise between your desire and your fear.

Notice the difference this little change makes? You can do whatever you want and have your feelings and thoughts of fear at the same time. Embracing your fear is so much more effective than fighting it. Fighting will drain your energy, while accepting your fear and still pursuing your path will increase your energy.

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One important cause of fear is we do not want to face ourselves as we are. We fear ourselves. Look at the system of escapes we have urbanized to liberate ourselves of fear. If the mind tries to overcome fear, to suppress it, discipline it, control it, translate it into terms of something else, there is resistance, there is disagreement, and that clash is a frittering away of energy.

There is no fear in a concept. We are all afraid of something. Fear is always in relation to something. Do we know our own fears like fear of losing job, fear of not having enough food or money, fearing what our neighbors think about us, fear of not being a success, fear of losing status in society, fear of being unloved or scorned. Additionally, we fear of pain and disease, of authority, of never knowing what love is, fear of not being loved, fear of losing wife or children, fear of living in a world that is like death, utter boredom, not living up to the image others have built about us. Do we know our own particular fears? What we usually do about our own fears? Don’t we run away from them or create ideas and images to cover them? To run away from fear is only to increase it.

Fear is one of the greatest problems in life. A mind that is caught in fear lives in bewilderment, in disagreement, and therefore is violent, distorted and aggressive. This mind never ventures to move away from its own patterns of thinking, and this raise insincerity. Until we are free from fear, no amount of climbing highest mountain, inventing different brand of God will free us from fear.

When we watch, what is actually taking place within ourselves and outside of us in this competitive culture in which we live with its desire for power, position, prestige, name, success and all the rest of it, we see fear is not merely on the surface of the mind. To dig deep, we have to go into it deeply, because fear is not merely on the surface of the mind. It requires deep penetration. For deep probing, we need a very sharp intellect, and intellect is not sharpened by arguments or avoidance. Get to the problem step by step by comprehending this whole process of naming system. The name, the word, prevents us from being a human being in relationship with other human beings. Likewise, when we name a feeling, we are not looking at the feeling; we are not totally with the fact.

Are we ever been in the moment of being aware of our own fears? Getting into it a little bit, we name, we give a term to our feelings. When we have a feeling, we name that feeling; call it anger, lust, love, pleasure and naming of the feeling is a process of intellection which prevents from looking at the fact, that is, at the feeling. When we see and say to ourselves the name, we are not looking at the feeling. We have ceased to look at the feeling because the word anger, or lust or love has come between us and the feeling. This is not some difficult intellectual feat but a process of the mind that must be understood. If we were to go into the problem of fear or the problem of authority or the problem of pleasure or the problem of love, we must see that naming, giving a label, prevents us from looking at the fact.

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Fear is the worst kind of grave, because it buries one alive. Fear can force obedience, but it can never transform a heart. What you fear will not go away; it will take you into yourself and bless you and keep you. That’s the world, and we all live there. Fear kills everything; your mind, your heart, your imagination. Children have a lesson adults should learn, to not be ashamed of failing, but to get up and try again. Most of us adults are so afraid, so cautious, so ‘safe,’ and therefore so shrinking and rigid and afraid that it is why so many humans fail. Most middle-aged adults have resigned themselves to failure. It’s better to die laughing than to live each moment in fear. One is never afraid of the unknown; one is afraid of the known coming to an end. Don’t be afraid of your fears. They’re not there to scare you. They’re there to let you know that something is worth it. Imagine not being frightened by any feeling. Imagine knowing that nothing will destroy you and you are beyond any feeling, and state. There is no reason to use drugs because anything a drug could do would pale in comparison to knowing who you are. Find what you are afraid of, face it, and then you won’t be afraid of it anymore.

Fear is about the loss of familiar things. We fear losing the jobs we don’t like and the people we don’t love. This is what keeps us stuck in insanity. We fear losing the comfort of a habit that gets in our way. This is why we continue to numb ourselves. We fear the loss of pleasures that we enjoy. This is what causes us to lie, cheat or steal. We fear losing our youth. This is why we are deceitful about our age or try to stay forever young.

We fear losing our money or never having enough. This is what causes us to ignore the people around us and to work an insane amount of hours. We fear losing our status or recognition. This is what causes us to pretend to be someone we’re not. We fear death or losing our health. This is what causes us to ignore and neglect the elderly population. We fear losing our children. This is why they can’t talk to strangers or play in the front yard. We fear losing our sense of identity. This is why we worship our degrees, titles and live in cubicle prison.

We fear losing our sense of safety. This is why have stuff packed in storage units and supplies stockpiled for doomsday. We fear feeling unlovable and being unloved. This is why we become people-pleasers and lose our souls in the process. Fear sucks. The only way to get around this nonsense is to understand that we really don’t have any of these things to begin with. Every thing is subject to change and alteration.

Safety is an illusion. The only thing that we can count on is the present moment. Notice that you are safe right now and get on with what you need to do!

 

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