Archive for the ‘Recreation’ Tag
Majority of us have a teensy problem, like there may be a hole in actual brain. We remember every horrible, mean, or marginally rude comment anyone has ever said to us; pretty much perfect, crystalline recall of verbatim, and the positive things certainly out number the negative by about ten to one.
The compliments and admiration and acknowledgments drop out of our brain almost as soon as they’re put there. There is a name for this cognitive trend, but for now, let’s just call it negativism. It might be the single most damaging mental habit we have to both ourselves and anyone we encounter. It ensures that we feel bad about ourselves and people who feel badly about themselves often have an awfully hard time complimenting, admiring, and acknowledging other people.
I’m interested in stopping this madness. If you are too, let’s try these tips together. As with any mind-bump, first we must notice the problem. Ask, what is the last unkind thing someone said to or about me? What is the last kind thing someone said to me or about me? If the former triggers a flood and the latter a trickle, you might be grappling with this too.
Start making a list every time someone gives you some verbal love, even the lady at the supermarket who admires your sweater and especially the bigger ones; the times when someone says that you have changed their life or gotten them through some excruciating moment. Write all you can remember and then keep up.
Those “you changed my life” comments are especially challenging if you are a negativism sufferer. Just take a moment to absorb what you’ve heard. Repeat the statement to yourself when you’re alone. See the words as a beautiful cloud of love you can let yourself fill with feel. It is a challenging but enlightening practice. It can be something surface like, “I love your shoes.” Experiment with deeper compliments and expressions of appreciation: “I wanted to say how much I admire that you’re always on time–it allows me to feel safe and relaxed around you.” Or “You’re really radiant today.” Doesn’t matter what it is–it just has to be true and not seeking anything in return.
Collect the nice things people say and write and keep them in an actual manila folder we can refer to when we’ve maybe decided that we are the worst.
Tell that person in the mirror all the things you love about her. It might feel funny, but see what happens. You can list your attributes or express appreciation for certain talents and gestures, just as you would write a beloved.
When you are waiting on a line or in a crowd of people at a fair or the mall or walking down the street, see if you can find the happiest people. Don’t over think it. Just scan for smiles. There are back-up studies for this that shows it retrains your brain for noticing more positivity. That is the beautiful thing–once we see and feel the positive things here right this very second stashed in your memory, your inbox, or in a face just outside the window; we start feeling better about ourselves. As Marianne Williamson says: “…as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
One important cause of fear is we do not want to face ourselves as we are. We fear ourselves. Look at the system of escapes we have urbanized to liberate ourselves of fear. If the mind tries to overcome fear, to suppress it, discipline it, control it, translate it into terms of something else, there is resistance, there is disagreement, and that clash is a frittering away of energy.
There is no fear in a concept. We are all afraid of something. Fear is always in relation to something. Do we know our own fears like fear of losing job, fear of not having enough food or money, fearing what our neighbors think about us, fear of not being a success, fear of losing status in society, fear of being unloved or scorned. Additionally, we fear of pain and disease, of authority, of never knowing what love is, fear of not being loved, fear of losing wife or children, fear of living in a world that is like death, utter boredom, not living up to the image others have built about us. Do we know our own particular fears? What we usually do about our own fears? Don’t we run away from them or create ideas and images to cover them? To run away from fear is only to increase it.
Fear is one of the greatest problems in life. A mind that is caught in fear lives in bewilderment, in disagreement, and therefore is violent, distorted and aggressive. This mind never ventures to move away from its own patterns of thinking, and this raise insincerity. Until we are free from fear, no amount of climbing highest mountain, inventing different brand of God will free us from fear.
When we watch, what is actually taking place within ourselves and outside of us in this competitive culture in which we live with its desire for power, position, prestige, name, success and all the rest of it, we see fear is not merely on the surface of the mind. To dig deep, we have to go into it deeply, because fear is not merely on the surface of the mind. It requires deep penetration. For deep probing, we need a very sharp intellect, and intellect is not sharpened by arguments or avoidance. Get to the problem step by step by comprehending this whole process of naming system. The name, the word, prevents us from being a human being in relationship with other human beings. Likewise, when we name a feeling, we are not looking at the feeling; we are not totally with the fact.