Archive for March 9, 2015

Constructive Revenge

Stay right when you’re wronged. We feel by meting out pain to this person, we’ll make ourselves feel better. This make our sick-mind feel better for a little while, it will not in the long run. Bad things usually follow. After the dust settles, you feel bad inside.

We all want to exert revenge when we are wronged. Revenge is a strong urge, but we do not feel better if we act on it. Knowledge about emotions and the thoughts that strengthen or soften emotions can help people develop ways to better manage their actions.

Revenge seems to be one of the deepest instincts we have. Our intuitive logic about revenge is often twisted, conflicted, parochial, and dangerous. Revenge is a primitive, destructive, and violent response to anger, injury, or humiliation. It is a misguided attempt to transform shame into pride. The only way is rise above revenge and let it go.

Revenge is the dark side of reciprocity. Revenge originates from the primal need for self-defense. Exhaust all alternatives before considering revenge, and use revenge only if it is your only effective self-defense.

When you seek revenge, you hurt yourself equally, if not more. Most strategies for revenge fail because they attempt to change the past. Unfortunately, once the damage is done and the injury, insult, humiliation, or other loss occurs, the clock cannot be turned back and the loss is permanent. Successful strategies for revenge look far into the future and recognize that the cycle of vengeance and retaliation can only spiral toward tragedy and are best stopped before they are started.

Living well is the best type of revenge. Showing the other person that his negative actions did not efface you will infuriate him. The goal of revenge is to erase shame and humiliation and restore pride. Our goal is to forgive and move on. Each side feels they have the most valid claim to being the victim. It is rarely clear who started this. If you concentrate on revenge, you will keep those wounds fresh that would have otherwise healed.

The best revenge is just moving on and getting over it. Don’t give someone the satisfaction of watching you suffer. We are the only people we can control, we cannot control others. By engaging in this type of behavior, you are actually planning a long-term destruction of your life, since misery is your constant companion. You need to move forward, not focus on the past. There is no revenge as complete as forgiveness. Revenge of any sort is extremely toxic.

Do not lower yourself to someone else’s level because then you become just as bad as they are. When people seek out revenge, it tends to consume them entirely. Some people take it way too far and it is hard to control yourself once you get going. Understanding what can trigger our urge to seek revenge, and how we can resolve our concerns constructively helps us to cope with our feelings.

The ultimate revenge is living well and being happy. Hateful people can’t stand happy people. If you really think about revenge, why do you even need revenge? You can get past anything someone did to offend you without revenge. You do not need any sort of interaction with these people. Distance yourself and never let them see you suffer.

What goes around, most definitely will come back around. Remove yourself from the cycle of bad behavior. Patience is a virtue in this situation. Decide to better yourself to clearly demonstrate your stature is superior to your adversary’s.

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