Archive for the ‘Wisdom’ Tag

Excessive Virtue Can Be A Vice

Excessive Virtue Can Be A Vice

In a world in which disruptive change in all domains is a near constant, all assumptions about what traits are beneficial must be regularly re-examined. Self-confidence, resilience, and fearlessness produce bold leaders who perform well on the job. But the very same virtues are also just a few degrees from antisocial behaviors with decidedly negative consequences. Lack awareness of your own fears and limitations and it is easy to become reckless, impulsive, and callous, ignoring other people’s fears and limitations as well. Some traits may be like a double-edged sword. Fearless dominance may contribute to skillful leadership in the face of a crisis, or to reckless criminality and violence.

The nature of a virtue is that a vice is almost always hidden inside. In the newest view of personality, our traits are no longer seen as binary; you are either conscientious or you are not, but as dimensional, existing on a continuum. Not only does each characteristic fall on a spectrum, each holds the grain of its own destruction. Organized becomes obsessive. Daring escalates to risky. Modest slips to insecure. Confident turns to arrogant. Cautious turns to anxiousness. Persuasive becomes domineering and friendly to ingratiating. The seven deadly sins might very well have started out as ambition, relaxation, and awareness of one’s good work, righteous anger, a healthy sexuality, and enjoying a good meal. It is all a matter of degree.

We have seen confidence to the point of hubris and humility to the point of diminishing oneself. We have seen vision drift into aimless dreaming and focus narrow down to tunnel vision. Show any strength and there we can show an example where its overuse has compromised performance and probably even derailed a career. Human nature, social norms, and the culture of the workplace generally pull us toward virtues. But virtues are not always what they seem. Not only can they conceal vices, they are not invariably virtuous. In a world where rapid change is the one constant, all received wisdom, including what is virtuous, must be regularly re-examined. Nothing is a blanket prescription in a highly dynamic universe. Change requires, above all, adaptability, the ability to stretch beyond the status quo, get beyond what you were taught or see beyond what has worked in the past.

Even when, on the surface, they seem to be one of the best things about an individual or organization, deeply held, unquestioned strengths can be destructive. Commonly accepted values such as personal involvement, high standards, and meticulous preparation can all backfire. Involving yourself personally in every project and every decision can lead to micromanaging, burnout, and resentment from those under the all-too-constant supervision, whether you’re a corporate vice president or a hovering mom.

Demanding excellence across the board can shut down creativity and risk-taking and indicate a lack of priorities—everything doesn’t have to be done perfectly; some things just need to get done. Too much preparation, especially if done in isolation and without feedback, can delay the final outcome or product without actually improving it. This is not a call to immediately give up your best qualities and firmly held values. It is likely the virtues you hold most closely are there for deep and personal reasons. The goal is to stay true to our self while avoiding the ways our unexamined beliefs and automatic behaviors can backfire. Even most engaging traits can be overused, or trotted out at the wrong time, or go too far in degree.

How do we know when a virtue is wearing out its welcome? Only self-awareness can keep core values in check. Taking personal inventory can lead to a realization of which virtues are constructive and beneficial in your life, and when, and which are actually holding you back, making you miserable, or sabotaging work and relationships. Never assume that a virtue that served you well in the past will always continue to do so.

Striving for excellence has its payoffs—good marks, approval, awards, and a sense of a job well done. But pursuing excellence across the board reflects rigidity and can lead to perfectionism, an inflexible devotion to high standards, and an inability to set priorities. There really is a fine line between striving for excellence and striving excessively for perfection. Perfectionism doesn’t just impact work performance. It takes a toll on health as well. Perfectionists exhibit high levels of chronic illnesses.

The most destructive part of pursuing excellence at all costs is that it can destroy creativity, risk taking, and experimentation. Innovation demands occasional failure. The evolution of any organism is more a branching out to see what happens than a streamlined, linear path toward perfection. The pursuit of excellence is one of those sacred cows that need to be carefully re-examined. Excellence in all matters overlooks the fact that life is often messy. Excellence fails to discriminate between what is important and what is not. What is more, there is a need to distinguish between process excellence and outcome excellence. It is much more necessary to seek excellence of outcome than excellence of process. Mistakes and their corrections are often the best teachers, and a push for excellence in all things obscures their contribution to success, especially in a world demanding innovation.

Disruptive innovation is not restricted to the business world, where flexible start-ups encroach on established firms. It has value in private life, too. Disruption in parenting has raised a generation of children who don’t have the courage to deal with difficult issues. If children are never allowed to cope with failure, when they reach adulthood and see daunting tasks, they just choose not to address them. When children are allowed to overcome obstacles, experience failure, and persevere, they develop determination. Instead of giving up after a try or two, they will search for ways to succeed with the resources available to them; finding workable if not perfect solutions. It is impossible to guarantee children’s success or safety, but they can be allowed to discover the traits of resourcefulness and tenacity; values that trump a drive for excellence in many real-world pursuits.

Fairness to everyone isn’t fair to anyone. Who doesn’t desire a fair shot, an equal opportunity, and equitable treatment? We are scorekeepers by instinct. So deep is the need for fairness that when we feel we have been treated unfairly, primitive instincts can compel us to bring others down to the same level! We want to be treated fairly, and we want to work for people and places that treat others fairly. Employees seem to have a universal concern for fairness that transcends the self. When they witness their employer treating others unfairly, employees file complaints, warn others, look for alternative employment, and engage in counterproductive work behaviors. Fairness of process is far more important than fairness of outcome, where every child gets the same treatment. Pursuing fairness of outcome easily creates a nightmare of competing demands. It is a leader’s job to make sure everyone, including herself, has a fair chance. Exceptional workers should be treated exceptionally; it’s only fair. Otherwise motivation is extinguished.

Attempting to create fairness of outcome not only fosters a culture of obsessive scorekeeping, it is actually filled with an array of psychological traps. It assumes that everybody values all rewards the same. In reality, some want higher salaries; others want more vacation time; still others want verbal praise or acknowledgment. Fairness is more than treating children or friends exactly the same; it means taking into consideration individual needs and personal motivations. When, as in a family, treatment is more customized to the needs of individual children, everyone feels special and happy. Yes, fairness is still an admirable quality. You just have to make sure you are keeping your eye on the right scoreboard.

Passionate people are mesmerizing. They embody purpose and meaning in life and work, and often the two merge seamlessly into their life’s work. The more elusive the boundaries between your work and life, the more successful you probably are in both and will find work-life fusion. It feels good to be passionate about things. It boosts energy, stamina and drive. It means you care deeply about something beyond yourself to the point of full immersion, which is likely the only way vaccines are invented, symphonies are written, or middle schools acquire good teachers. But passion can also crowd out other things of equal importance, place emotion above logic, and lead to burnout. At its darkest, it can turn into obsession, a pursuit that dominates all else and occupies the mind to an alarming degree.

Just contrast healthy passion or harmonious passion with obsessive passion. Individuals with harmonious passion, engage in an activity because they want to. Those with obsessive passion engage in an activity because they feel they must—say, to prove themselves to an overly critical parent. While harmonious passions coexist with other aspects of life, obsessive passion is a compulsion that blinds individuals to risks, produces tunnel vision, and ignores the needs of others or even one self. Researchers studying professional dancers found that those who are obsessively passionate about dancing are most likely to suffer chronic injuries. They push themselves too hard, losing track of their own health and stability and probably passing on their destructive brand of obsessive passion when they became teachers. Harmonious passion is not about lowering standards or wimping out; it is about finding a level of passion that is sustainable.

Agreeable people, in the nomenclature of personality psychology, are softhearted, trusting, and helpful. They tend to be modest and altruistic, willing to compromise, generous in spirit. Happiness and optimism come easily to them, even when circumstances are rough. They don’t make waves very often and therein lies the problem. There are times when everyone would be better off if they did.

Conflict is inevitable in work and life. There will be honest disagreements and actions taken that do not please everyone, hard decisions to be defended, and territorial claims to be held. Assertiveness is a necessary trait, and it is often lacking in people who are overly accommodating, making them easy prey for those who would take advantage of another’s trust or generosity. If you cannot say no, offer constructive criticism, or stand firm in your decisions, you won’t be an effective worker, supervisor, partner, or parent.

Being a nice guy at work can actually diminish paycheck and decrease odds of promotion. Being agreeable has a particularly strong impact on men’s salaries. Agreeable people are less likely to push themselves forward for recognition or advancement. They tend to do more selfless things at work. Despite the stigma, nice guys also do pretty well in love. The niceness and physical attractiveness are both positive factors in women’s choices and the desirability ratings they assign to men as potential dating partners. Niceness is most important when a woman is considering a serious, long-term relationship, while attractiveness is more important when considering a casual, sexual relationship.

Once a relationship is established, however, the emotional power dynamic becomes more complex. Being nice, agreeable, and quick to compromise may be alluring at first but can lead to dependent or clingy behaviors that become a burden to a partner, who must do more decision making. Also, the agreeable partner may be suppressing negative emotions that manifest in passive-aggressive behavior, affairs (virtual or otherwise), or bottled-up resentments that eventually end the relationship. Expressing genuine emotions and standing one’s ground are valuable skills in love. Both can coexist within the virtue of being an agreeable personality.

Some people are natural collaborators. They welcome input from others and aim for consensus on decisions large and small. It is an empowering quality in a supervisor, and on the whole, it increases diversity, fosters relationships, and creates buy in and engagement from all parties. But collaboration can also lead to diffused accountability. Decisions take longer, and are made collectively. Everyone feels the need to weigh in, even in the absence of anything to contribute. If things go wrong, who can really be held responsible? Automatic collaboration leads to underperformance and low productivity for the sake of playing well with others. Extroverts have a special tendency to engage in wasteful collaboration because they draw their energy from others, and they often feel the need to talk through their thoughts with partners. Extroverts can become workplace vampires who suck the productivity out of their coworkers.

Not to mention that there are some people for whom collaboration is totally nonproductive. It devalues those who prefer to work in isolation, or even need a bit of alone time to spend inside their own heads. Even when we think we are working alone these days, we are actually not with our smartphone next to our laptop with easy access to search engines, we are more likely to be compiling a remix rather than producing something new or revolutionary and constant distraction spells the death of creativity. Collaborate only with intention, clear boundaries and expectations, and an understanding of individual responsibilities, and leave plenty of time for unplugged, independent thought. That way lies inspiration.

Whether you are talking with business consultants, parents, or yoga instructors, no virtue seems to rank higher than balance these days; it is an ideal championed by the earliest philosophers and the most modern citizens. Creating balance among all the elements of life—work and home, self and others, self-discipline and enjoyment—seems to be the goal. Balance at once describes a feeling of being in control of multiple responsibilities as well as the sense that several important areas of one’s life aren’t being neglected in favor of only a few. A balanced life, most would agree, feels less stressfully lived than a non-balanced life, which feels overwhelming and unsatisfying. But the pursuit of balance is itself the cause of much imbalance. We are left to achieve it in lives that change, quite literally, moment to moment. Balance operates through a constant stream of choices. Too often it leads to constant compromise and mediocrity in all things.

Work-life balance, today’s preoccupation, is probably the greatest mirage. It is achievable, as in almost all other domains, only in summation, not in the conduct of everyday life, where projects and deadlines demand bouts of concentrated commitment. Balance, then, is more a long-term goal. The danger of achieving perfect balance and sticking to it no matter what? means cloistered overly controlled life. Respect moderation but also accommodate the kind of dynamism seen in the flow of tides and the cycles of the seasons. The ocean is anything but bland, and the four sometimes extreme seasons point to a continuing and complex balance among many natural cycles. Balance, then, is not a static system, but one that requires constant attention and awareness. It is why yoga doesn’t consist of only the tree pose. Finding balance is more an internal matter than a superficial allotment of time. You need to know what is most important to you right now, what you need to build on for the future, which tasks or habits are draining your time and attention, and how much recovery time you need. The most important virtues today may in fact prove to be nimbleness and adaptability.

Achieving balance ultimately rests on having courage. The courage to make difficult choices, to exclude other possibilities in order to choose the one that suits you best, to let go of fearing the disapproval or disappointment of others.


The Land of Vedas

Image credit: Paul Gyswyt

Veda is the entire knowledge of nature. The word ‘Veda’ is originated from the Sanskrit verb – ‘ vid ‘ denoting ‘knowing’. Thus, Veda means knowledge. Veda is believably the first creation in the history of knowledge and education. It originated right from the beginning of this creation or when man started to breath, that’s why Veda interprets ‘sosham’ denoting Sanskrit-word – sah + aham = ‘that is me’ God says – "The point where you began and the point where you exist, as well as the point where you will end-everywhere I am dwelling. India, the land of Veda, and the origin of spiritualism have a huge store of religious and cultural knowledge and all of them are originated or interpreted from Veda; not only spiritual but material, scientific knowledge is also introduced in Veda. Everybody knows the oldest alive knowledge in Sanskrit was introduced by Veda. The Vedic knowledge is so deep and so large that it is absolutely impossible to interpret and spread it in a short time and limited space. It’s most important knowledge with an authentic interpretation and application system to let people know the way to leave in peace, harmony and successes.

There are four Vedas – The Vedas are believably ‘unmade’ because it is so huge with the deep knowledge one can’t imagine to compile in the pages and that is why Veda is called – ‘apaurusheya’ that is to say man can’t make it. When it was introduce there was no existence of paper or any writing material or activities, therefore, Veda was introduced and spread by hearing tradition the Sanskrit word – shrotra = ears, therefore Veda is called shrotra; to be hearable, and the people who practice Veda are called -‘ Shrotriya’ (Brahman).

Vedas are in 4 independent volumes and every volume covers such wide area of natural activities. In short, Veda covers – spiritualism-devotion, physics-mathematics, arts-commerce and astrology to medical sciences.

The Vedas are considered the earliest literary record of Indo-Aryan civilization, and the most sacred books of India. They are the original scriptures of Hindu teachings, and contain spiritual knowledge encompassing all aspects of our life. Vedic literature with its philosophical maxims has stood the test of time and is the highest religious authority for all sections of Hindus in particular and for mankind in general. “Veda” means wisdom, knowledge or vision, and it manifests the language of the gods in human speech. The laws of the Vedas regulate the social, legal, domestic and religious customs of the Hindus to the present day. All the obligatory duties of the Hindus at birth, marriage, death and so on owe their allegiance to the Vedic ritual. They draw forth the thought of successive generation of thinkers, and so contain within it the different strata of thought.

The Vedas are probably the earliest documents of the human mind and is indeed difficult to say when the earliest portions of the Vedas came into existence. As the ancient Hindus seldom kept any historical record of their religious, literary and political realization, it is difficult to determine the period of the Vedas with precision. Historians provide us many guesses but none of them is free from ambiguity.

It is believed that humans did not compose the revered compositions of the Vedas, which were handed down through generations by the word of mouth from time immemorial. The general assumption is that the Vedic hymns were either taught by God to the sages or that they were revealed themselves to the sages who were the seers or “mantradrasta” of the hymns. The Vedas were mainly compiled by Vyasa, Krishna, Dwaipayana around the time of Lord Krishna (c. 1500 BC)

The Vedas are four: The Rig-Veda, the Sama Veda, the Yajur Veda and the Atharva Veda. The Rig Veda being the main. The four Vedas are collectively known as “Chathurveda,” of which the first three Vedas namely, Rig Veda, Sama Veda and Yajur Veda agree in form, language and content.

Each Veda consists of four parts – the Samhitas (hymns), the Brahmanas (rituals), the Aranyakas (theologies) and the Upanishads (philosophies). The collection of mantras or hymns is called the Samhita. The Brahmanas are ritualistic texts and include precepts and religious duties. Each Veda has several Brahmanas attached to it. The Upanishads form the concluding portions of the Veda and therefore called the “Vedanta” or the end of the Veda and contains the essence of Vedic teachings. The Upanishads and the Aranyakas are the concluding portions of the Brahmanas, which discuss philosophical problems. The Aryanyakas (forest texts) intend to serve as objects of meditation for ascetics who live in forests and deal with mysticism and symbolism.

Although the Vedas are seldom read or understood today, even by the devout, they no doubt form the bedrock of the universal religion or “Sanatana Dharma” that all Hindus follow. The Vedas have guided our religious direction for ages and will continue to do so for generations to come and they will forever remain the most comprehensive and universal of all ancient scriptures.

The Rig Veda or The Book of Mantra is a collection of inspired songs or hymns and is a main source of information on the Rig Vedic civilization. It is the oldest book in any Indo-European language and contains the earliest form of all Sanskrit mantras that date back to 1500 B.C. – 1000 B.C. Some scholars date the Rig Veda as early as 12000 BC – 4000 B.C. The Rig-Vedic ‘samhita’ or collection of mantras consists of 1,017 hymns or ‘suktas’, covering about 10,600 stanzas, divided into eight ‘astakas’ each having eight ‘adhayayas’ or chapters, which are sub-divided into various groups. The hymns are the work of many authors or seers called ‘rishis’. There are seven primary seers identified: Atri, Kanwa, Vashistha, Vishwamitra, Jamadagni, Gotama and Bharadwaja.

The rig Veda accounts in detail the social, religious, political and economic background of the Rig-Vedic civilization. Even though monotheism characterizes some of the hymns of Rig Veda, naturalistic polytheism and monism can be discerned in the religion of the hymns of Rig Veda. The Sama Veda, Yajur Veda and Atharva Veda were compiled after the age of the Rig Veda and are ascribed to the Vedic period.

The Sama Veda or The Book of Song is purely a liturgical collection of melodies (‘saman’). The hymns in the Sama Veda, used as musical notes, were almost completely drawn from the Rig Veda and have no distinctive lessons of their own. Hence, its text is a reduced version of the Rig Veda. As Vedic Scholar David Frawley puts it, if the Rig Veda is the word, Sama Veda is the song or the meaning, if Rig Veda is the knowledge, Sama Veda is its realization, if Rig Veda is the wife, the Sama Veda is her husband.

The Yajur Veda or The Book of Ritual is also a liturgical collection and was made to meet the demands of a ceremonial religion. The Yajur Veda practically served as a guidebook for the priests who execute sacrificial acts muttering simultaneously the prose, prayers, and the sacrificial formulae (‘yajus’). It is similar to ancient Egypt’s “Book of the Dead”. There are no less than six complete recessions of Yajur Veda – Madyandina, Kanva, Taittiriya, Kathaka, Maitrayani and Kapishthala.

The Atharva Veda or The Book of Spell is the last of the Vedas. This is completely different from the other three Vedas and is next in importance to Rig-Veda with regard to history and sociology. A different spirit pervades this Veda. Its hymns are of a more diverse character than the Rig Veda and are also simpler in language. In fact, many scholars do not consider it part of the Vedas at all. The Atharva Veda consists of spells and charms prevalent at its time, and portrays a clearer picture of the Vedic society.

Indestructible Psyche

To possess an undefeated mind means not just that we rebound quickly from adversity or face it calmly, even confidently, without being pulled down by depression or anxiety, but also that we get up day after day, week after week, month after month and attack the obstacles in front of us again and again and again until they fall or we do. An undefeated mind isn’t one that never feels discouraged or despairing; it’s one that continues on in spite of it. While the ability to control what happens in life may be limited, we do have the capacity to establish a life that surmounts the suffering that life brings.

Resilience isn’t something that only a fortunate few are born with, but rather something that everybody can take action-steps to develop. Start with the scheme that all problems are solvable. Understand the meaning of victory. Look into the human desire to be happy, how to obtain benefits from adversity and why wisdom can bring an end to suffering.

Identify a personal mission; create a sense of purpose, then commit to that mission. Make a vow: Resolve to soldier on. Identify the obstacles. Overcome the barriers. Avoid distractions. Expect Obstacles. Make use of adversity, negative thoughts and the anxiety of uncertainty.

Accept pain, both physical and emotional. Let Go! Loss can be inevitable. Find the meaning in loss. Exercise self-compassion. Appreciate the good. Find and maintain gratitude even gratitude for obstacles. Encourage others and understand them. Helping others is to help self.

Experience the power of encouragement by mustering your courage against fear, even your fear of death. Resilience is essential for being able to meet life’s challenges. Anyone can increase his or her inner strength. All of us can have indestructible psyche.

True Nature Of Reality

Nature of Reality

I have forced myself to contradict myself in order to avoid conforming to my own taste. Don’t think you understand It. On the other hand, don’t think you don’t understand It. It? What is It, a pronoun capitalized this way? What is It, pronounced with the kind of emphasis that communicates great significance? Alternatively, it is called the Great Matter, Enlightenment, Emptiness, Suchness. These are ways we refer to different aspects of It. When I write these words, what do you think to yourself? You probably think to yourself either that you don’t understand these things, “Wow, I wish I understood those things, maybe I will someday.” Or, perhaps, “I will probably never understand,” or when you hear these words you have a sense that you do understand these things, at least to some degree; the words conjure up for you a memory of an experience, a mind-state, an insight, or you think of images or sensations that you find comforting or inspiring. It is difficult to say which of these – a sense that we don’t understand, or a sense that we do understand – is more detrimental to spiritual practice.

Buddhist understanding – prajna paramita, the perfection of wisdom – is completely different from ordinary understanding. It is so different that even though it is here under our noses all the time, we miss It. Even though this Understanding is free and available, we revere Shakyamuni Buddha as a once-in-a-universe amazing person because he came to It without even having a teacher who pointed it out to him. This is the central teaching of Buddhism – that there is a kind of wisdom, a kind of insight, “which removes all suffering, and is true, not false.” The Buddha studied suffering – old age, disease, death, loss, dissatisfactions – and asked whether there was any way out of it. He was not the first to ask this question by any means. Almost every religion and social movement has tried to offer people a remedy, a way out, at least a mitigation of this human experience of suffering.

What the Buddha realized was, in a sense, its all how you relate to it. It’s all how you see it and understand your place in it. However, this is not about adopting some arbitrary positive outlook! Well, you could look at things that way and suffer, but if you adopt this philosophy or view things don’t look so bad…This is about seeing the true nature of reality. What is it that we see? A textbook answer would be something like, “we see that we, and all beings and things, are empty of inherent, enduring self-nature.” But this description is so inadequate to convey what we end up understanding. We could also say “we see that things-just-as-they-are, without the filter of our self-concern, are precious.” Or we could say “we see that there is only this moment, and this moment is free from suffering.”

Intellectual understanding of these descriptions or faithful belief in these descriptions, do not convey the release from suffering that the Buddha found. They must be personally and directly experienced for that to occur and once they are personally and directly experienced we are forever changed, but no experience in the past conveys lasting release from suffering either. Perhaps when you hear It – the Great Matter, Prajna Paramita (Transcendental Wisdom), Enlightenment, Emptiness, Suchness – you recall the spacious, unself-conscious feeling you experience in the wilderness. That’s not It. Perhaps you think of the “zone” you get into while doing a body practice or artistic activity. That’s not It. Perhaps you think of how vast space is, or how we are made up mostly of space, between our tiny atomic particles. That’s not It. Perhaps you think of how everything changes, so you can’t really draw a boundary around who you are. That’s not It. Perhaps you think of how it is impossible to trace all the causes and conditions and beings that brought you the meal you eat, and how dependent you are on all these different aspects of the universe. That’s not It.

Now, it would be good for all of us, myself included, if I left you with that message and shut up. But in the West, especially in Soto Zen, they explain things. It is the gentle way. It is so easy to be satisfied with just an intellectual understanding. It is so easy to fool ourselves that ours is not just an intellectual understanding – after all, if it is associated with emotions, it’s not just intellectual, right? It is so easy to allow what was once a real experience to devolve into a mere memory, a mere view. Most of us walk around with a largely intellectual understanding of It. As Dogen would say, we are “playing in the entrance way.” This is why Zen Masters through the ages have pulled out all the stops and done all kinds of strange things to try and wake their students up from their dreams. They yanked their students’ noses, offered riddles, put slippers on their heads. What is that about? Some kind of ridiculous code? A contest to see who was least inhibited? No. It says Right Here, Right Now, Do You See? In a sense it doesn’t matter what is said or done to express it; if both people can experience It, the arrows have met in mid-air. This is extremely important. There is no god in Buddhism that is going to condemn us or even be disappointed in us because we just play in the entrance way. But what a shame.

But thinking you do not understand is just as bad. When I think like that, I am here, and understanding is over there – in that [other person’s] head, or in the past, or in the future. This can be one of the most painful beliefs. It can also be one of the biggest obstacles. We are intimate with It every moment of every day. It is never anywhere else. We experience the perfection of wisdom when we stop looking anywhere else. When the Zen Master comes and challenges us, we answer her in kind. Perhaps we say, “Yes! Buddha caught the pillow!” Perhaps we throw the pillow back. Perhaps we laugh. But the challenge does not send us off in our minds to abstractions or memories, concepts, images, metaphors or teachings. We know the Buddha is nowhere else, and have dropped the self-concern that wonders how “I” relate to Buddha.

Being at home with oneself like that is an immense relief from suffering. We must struggle to understand, unfortunately there are no shortcuts. But what we do in that struggle is exhaust all of our dreams until finally there is no place left to go. Then we see It is something we have understood all along. We just didn’t know what kind of understanding to look for. And a final note – having answered the Zen master’s challenge one day does not mean we will be able to do so the next. This is not an understanding that is of any use to us in the past.

Our Highest Aspirations


Here though ‘he’ is used; leader maps are pertinent to ‘she’ also to succeed in what he or she chooses. Hence, disclaimer for being a male chauvinist pig. Please read on.

Stories don’t just entertain us–they also teach and inspire us. Here’s how to parse your kids’ bedtime stories for modern leadership advice. Once upon a time…Even now, as adults, there’s something in most of us that perks up and starts to listen when we hear those words. We love stories and stories have always served important functions for us. They bring us together and reinforce our sense of community. They engage, amuse, enthrall, and titillate and they teach throughout history, before most people could read and write, stories, told by firesides and in village gatherings, were the mechanism by which we handed down laws and values, religions and taboos, knowledge and wisdom.

Think of stories as the cultural DNA of a pre-literate society. The stories of a group of people provided a map that, if followed, would guide someone to be a successful member of that group, and over the centuries, some of those maps seem to have transcended culture and geography to offer guidance for being successful humans. This seems especially true for one type of story: The hero’s tale. Joseph Campbell explored this theme in religious mythology with brilliance and depth in his Hero with a Thousand Faces, and I’m indebted to his work. However, in exploring these story maps for clues to the characteristics that define leadership, I looked to more humble sources like folktales and fairy tales of many cultures. Campbell’s work focused on our highest aspirations; what we expect of gods and godlike heroes. I wish to know practicality of how folktales tell us what to look for and accept in those who lead us day-to-day.

Think of folktales as maps of success–how to live as safely and happily as possible, how to avoid making fatal mistakes of belief or action. Until recently in our history, choosing a leader was a life-or-death decision. A good leader could guide you to find food, overcome enemies, and keep peace within the society. A bad leader could lead you into starvation or to death through war or lawlessness, and although the stakes may not be as high today, we’re still wired to accept as leaders only those who line up with our centuries-old map of leadership attributes.

By finding and extracting these leader maps, I could learn not only what people look for in leaders; but the corollary of that, what it takes to be the kind of leader whom others would follow. After reading several of leader stories from all over the world, here’s what I see and accept that a leader is farsighted, passionate, courageous, wise, generous, trustworthy.

In leader folktales, the leader-to-be can see beyond his current situation young, poor, despised to his ultimate goal like save his father, win the princess, kill the monster and can express that vision in a compelling and inclusive way, especially to those whose help he needs to achieve it. He can hold to that vision and share it clearly even when others lose sight of it, believe it’s impossible, or ridicule him for trying. He is farsighted.

Moreover, the leader-in-training doesn’t just go through the motions. He is deeply committed to his quest, with his every action is directed toward achieving it. Nothing dissuades him, even the inevitable setbacks and disappointments attendant on any quest. He may not be loud about it, but is relentless. He is passionate.

Throughout the story, he is confronted with difficult situations. He may be afraid and lonely; he may feel like running away, longing for the comfort and safety of home. He often faces situations that are particularly trying for him personally. But he doesn’t turn aside; he doesn’t unlike his brothers or others who attempt the same journey make the safe and easy choices. He doesn’t wimp out and takes the path of least resistance. He is courageous.

He’s not a cardboard action hero, though. His brain is tested, and he must be able to learn from his mistakes. In many versions of the story, he doesn’t initially follow the advice given to him “don’t look back”; “don’t let go”; “don’t touch this or that on your way out” and his mistakes create more complexity and danger. The next time a similar situation arises, though, he behaves differently and succeeds at his task. He doesn’t deny or whine or blame; he improves. He also often comes up with clever solutions to seemingly insoluble problems. Finally, he uses his powers of discrimination to think through difficult choices and arrive at the best and most moral solution, for example, long-term happiness versus current riches; the greater good versus pure self-interest. He is thoughtful, appropriately humble, clear-headed, and curious. He is wise.

Along the way, the future leader meets people or creatures in need, and he helps them or shares with them. He does so even though his own supplies are low; even though helping them takes him out of his way or slows him down. In some versions of the story, he has to sacrifice his life for those he loves or to whom he owes his loyalty and this always turns out okay in the end and later, when he is king, his people are prosperous and happy because he rules with an open hand. The leader is not stingy, miserly or selfish. He is generous.

Finally, and perhaps most important, his word is his bond. If he tells his dying father that he will find the magic potion to cure him, you know that he will. If he tells the princess that he will come back to marry her, she can send out the invitations. When some creature says to him, “If I help you, boy, you must free me,” you know the creature is as good as free. The hero does not equivocate or exaggerate. He is trustworthy.

This tale survives and thrives in almost infinite permutations because it is satisfying; it feels right to us. We are hardwired to expect our chieftains to be farsighted, passionate, courageous, wise, generous, and trustworthy. If we don’t see these qualities clearly demonstrated, we won’t follow at all; it is dangerous to do so.

Grow to be Patient

It’s time to slow down you life and become more patient. Being that my new year’s resolution is to be more content with living the questions in my life versus rushing towards the answers, I found useful the advice in Allan Lokos’s new book, “Patience: The Art of Peaceful Living.” Lokos is the founder and guiding teacher of the Community Meditation Center in New York City, and the author of “Pocket Peace: Effective Practices for Enlightened Living.”

In the Buddhist tradition, wisdom is said to arise when we see things as they really are, not as they appear to be. Yet to transform our usual views, opinions, and perceptions so that we can see the true nature of things can be a challenging process. It is a part of our journey that can require great patience both with ourselves and with others. Wisdom is all too often painfully earned. As Confucius said, “By three ways do we attain wisdom. The first is by contemplation, which is the noblest; the second is by imitation, which is the easiest; the third is by experience, which is the bitterest.” To see things as they really are, rather than through the distorted lens of conditioned perception, can be challenging to the intellect as well as to our patience.

Yeah ….right! But I found his words really do help you breathe a sign of relief …as if your job to control everything in your world has been lifted and assigned to someone else, so that you don’t have as much responsibility and don’t bear as much weight in your daily. We have much less control than we might think over causes and conditions that converge to bring about the ever-changing circumstances of our lives. The events of every moment come about from the contingent factors that precede them. Nothing exists by itself; everything is interconnected. We can often see the short-term connections, butt the bigger picture, the universal law of cause and effect is often obscured to the untrained, unfocused mind. With practice, we can learn to put full effort into our actions without our happiness being dependent upon the ensuring results. To do this requires a clear understanding of our intention as well as insight into the connected nature of all phenomena.

This one was refreshing for me to read because it ties into a reflection by spiritual author Henri Nouwen that I read every morning to set me straight. Somewhere deep in our hearts, we already know that success, fame, influence, power, and money do not give us the inner joy and peace we crave. Somewhere we can even sense a certain envy of those who have shed all false ambitions and found a deeper fulfillment in their relationship with God. Yes, somewhere we can even get a taste of that mysterious joy in the smile of those who have nothing to lose.

If you’re lucky, you have a few friends like that. I do. And when I read this meditation every morning, I picture their faces, and suddenly the need to get promoted at work or acquire some recognition for my blog disappears, and I feel okay with me even if I stay in a cubicle and take orders as best I can. I don’t need to be a King to be happy. In fact, that responsibility could make me miserable. Lokos’s work was just recognized by the New York Times in an article right before Christmas that concentrated on coping with travel stress. I found that the five pointers he lists for anxious travelers also work for mundane tasks throughout the day. Here they are:

Q. What are five things travelers can do to self soothe while en route?

A. 1. Accept the reality that most of what causes stress in travel is out of your control. In fact, you have much less control of things in general than you might like to believe.

2. Feeling rushed is one of the leading causes of stress. Go to airports and bus and train stations extra early. While others may be rushing frantically, you can be strolling leisurely.

3. Check in with yourself. Notice what you are feeling in a particular moment. If it’s annoyance, frustration or fatigue, don’t get all caught up in it. Don’t cling to the sensations.

4. Travel lightly. When I arrive at my destination for the holidays I announce to everyone, “I hope you like this sweater I’m wearing because you’re going to see it a lot.” And mail rather than carry gifts. Even one shopping bag is a nuisance.

5. Those around you are doing their best. Offer a smile that says, “Yes, I know it’s difficult, but we’ll all get there.” Perhaps a little later than scheduled, but you’ll get there. Let someone go ahead of you; it’s part of the holiday spirit.

Be Resilient and Successful

Positive thinking is so firmly enshrined in our culture that knocking it is a little like attacking motherhood or apple pie.  Many persons swear by positive thinking and quite a few have been helped by it. Nevertheless, it is not a very effective tool and can be downright harmful in some cases.  There are much better ways to get the benefits that positive thinking allegedly provides.  Perhaps the statement that best exemplifies positive thinking is "When life hands you a lemon, make lemonade." It seems so self-evident that this is a good thing that we never question the wisdom of the adage.  But it does not take a whole lot of digging to unearth the flaws in this reasoning. 

First, did fate really hand you a lemon or was this merely your initial, unthinking response? Second, is a lemon really a bad thing, something that you would rather not have, but now that you do have it you will somehow salvage something by making lemonade? Finally, it is quite stressful to be handed a lemon until such time as you figure out how to make lemonade.  Do you really have to go through this phase? 

No matter what happens to us in life we tend to think of it as "good" or "bad". Most of us tend to use the "bad" label three to ten times as often as the "good" label.  When we say something is bad, the odds grow overwhelming that we will experience it as such and that is when we need positive thinking.  We have been given something bad, a real lemon, and we better scramble and make some lemonade out of it and salvage something out of this "bad" situation. 

Now think back on your own life.  Can you recall instances of something that you initially thought was a bad thing that turned out to be not so bad after all or perhaps even a spectacularly good thing? Like the time you just missed a train and had to wait a whole hour for the next one and it was horrible except that your neighbor also missed it so you talked for the first time and a beautiful friendship developed.  You will find many instances in your life, some of them very significant such as the job you desperately wanted but didn't get only to find that a much better one came by and you would not have been able to accept it if not for the earlier rejection. 

Now let us propose something radical and revolutionary.  Let us propose that, no matter what happens to you, you do not stick a bad thing label on it; no matter what.  You are fired from your job, your mortgage lender sends you a foreclosure notice and your spouse files for divorce or whatever. This seems so far-fetched as to be laughable. Of course these are horrible tragedies and terrible things to happen. Or are they? Is it possible, just possible, that you have been conditioned to think of these happenings as unspeakable tragedies and hence experience them as such? 

Viktor Frankl in his book Man's Search for Meaning narrates the tale of the beautiful girl of privilege who was grateful to be in a concentration camp because she was able to connect with a spiritual side of her that she never knew existed.  Observations like this led Frankl into his life's work of determining why, when faced with extreme adversity, some persons positively flourish while others disintegrate.  Those who rise so triumphantly never label what they go through as bad and lament over it, they simply take it as a given as if they were a civil engineer surveying the landscape through which a road is to be built.  In this view, a swamp is not a bad thing.  It is merely something that has to be addressed in the construction plan. 

If you never label something as bad, then you don't need positive thinking and all of the stress associated with getting something bad and experiencing it as such till you figure out how to make lemonade out of it simply goes away.  That is the huge pebble in the positive thinking shoe. This is bad, really bad is a lemon.  But somehow I will make some lemonade out of it and then perhaps it won't be so bad.  First you think its bad and then you think you will somehow make it less bad and there is a strong undercurrent that you are playing games and kidding yourself.  Some people succeed, many don't. Those who don't are devastated that the model they were trying so hard to build caved in on them.  That's why positive thinking can sometimes be harmful. 

Can you actually go through life without labeling what happens to you as good or bad? Sure you can.  You have to train yourself to do this.  You have been conditioned to think of things as bad or good.  You can de-condition yourself.  It is neither easy nor fast but it is possible. 

Let us say you break your leg. There is stuff you have to do like go to an orthopedist and get it set and go to therapy when the cast comes off.  But all the rest of the stuff you pick up like: Why did this have to happen to me?  Bad things always come my way.  I am in such pain.  Who will hold the world up now that I am disabled? is simply baggage.  You don't have to pick up this load and the only reason you do is because you were never told that you didn't have to. 

I am telling you now. Don't pick up that useless burden.  Don't label what happens to you as bad.  Then you won't need positive thinking and much of the stress in your life will simply disappear. Poof! Just like that.

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